As I Was Walking, Lonely, Down The Street
Suspicious Of People I Will Never Meet
I Came To A Little Cafe Run By Pete
Thought I'd Go Right Inside And Get Something To Eat

Now I Regret As I
Sit On The Toilet
My Arse Was Sore
As I Started Running For The Door

It's Coming Out Like Gravy
As I Fill Up The Toilet
This Mouldy Cheese Sandwich
Has Given Me The Shits

The Chef Was Dirty; He Had Food In His Beard
And The Food That I Ate Tasted Unnervingly Weird
But I Thought Nothing Of It As I Gulped Down My Beer
Though I Glanced At The Toilet, To Check It Was Near

My Arse Explodes
I Paint The Wall
Klingons Galore
And The Crap Begins To Fall

It's Coming Out Like Gravy
As I Fill Up The Toilet
This Mouldy Cheese Sandwich
Has Given Me The Shits