I Was Sitting In A Diner
With A Girl Named Flo
She Wouldn't Say Yes
But She Couldn't Say No
She Said "Darling, Can I Get A Middle Man?"
She Was Engaged To A Fellow
On The Lay A Way Plan
But She Carried All Her Money
In A Coffee Can
She Said "Darling, Can I Get A Middle Man?"
The Cook Looked Over
With A Short Order Face
Dropped A Fork
And He Saw Flo's Legs
Straightened His Apron
And Burnt My Eggs
I Got Competition
Everywhere I Go
These Days

She Was Leaning On The Juke Box
And Was Lookin' Real Good
Like Natalie Wood
On A Pontiac Hood
I Said "Darling, I Think I Need A Little Hand"
Ya See, I've Seen My Downs
I've Seen My Ups
I Seen Miniature Dogs
In Coffee Cups
But "Darling I Ain't Never Seen A Middle Man"

Flo Talked Slow
Like Real Wet Paint
She Said
"A Middle Man's There
When The Other Ones Ain't
He's Got A Left Handed Manner
That Leans To The Right
Sleeps All Day
And Keeps It Up All Night..."
... I Got An Aunt In Ohio
And A Boat That Won't Row
Some Veterans Insurance
And Nowhere To Go
"Darling, Can I Be Your Middle Man?"

[Spoken:]
If I Could Get The Money In That Coffee Can
I Could Open Me Up A Lemonade Stand
Send All The Kids Off To Pakistan
Make Flo Happy
If I Can

Jerry Mahoney And Johnny B. Goode
Are Gonna Buy Me A House In Hollywood
"Darling I Think I Got The Perfect Plan"
"We're Gonna Save Half A Dollars
And Sell 'em To France
Buy Us A Record
And Learn How To Dance
And Darling I'll Always Be Your Middle
Darling Go Buy A Griddle
Darling I Wanna Be Your Middle Man